


Exactly What You Came Here For

by onlineko



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, What Have I Done, fisting (not really but technically i guess), if it wasn't clear yet this is CRACK, mentions of fidget spinners, sexual math, shitposting is a lifestyle, synonyms for dick that should not exist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-11-30 21:21:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11471913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onlineko/pseuds/onlineko
Summary: ‘’You look absolutely fantastic, my sweet alien ramen noodle,’’ Shiro whispers into Slav’s neck, pulling him closer into his arms.-A dramatic encounter between lovers, filled with secrets, tears and sweat.





	Exactly What You Came Here For

Slav’s ocular spheres look like liquid gold in the dim lights of Shiro’s room. His skin has the colour of slightly expired kale as drops of sweat cascade down his cylindrical body. Shiro had never seen anything quite like it, though Slav’s skin looks a lot like the rich food goo he'd had for lunch this afternoon.

‘’You look absolutely fantastic, my sweet alien ramen noodle,’’ Shiro whispers into Slav’s neck, pulling him closer into his arms.

‘’Thanks,’’ Slav replies with a shaky voice.

Shiro knew Slav would be nervous while doing this. He had assured him this was one of the realities where it would go well, but Slav wasn’t easily convinced.

‘’The chance of this going wrong in this reality is only 2%, you said it yourself.’’

‘’That’s still more than in 420 other realities,’’ Slav looks very hesitant.

Shiro moves his face closer to Slav’s, ‘’I would never let anything bad happen to you in this reality. Slav, I love you and nothing is going to change that. I will never let you go. I want to be yours in every way. I want to make love to you.’’

‘’I- I don’t know what to say,’’ Slav said, ‘’The chance of you getting sick is around 0,0069% and there are even realities in which you die. I can already feel how your lifeless body would slip through my arms to the ground. I can already hear your last breath leaving your lips.’’ Tears were streaming down Slav’s face.

‘’You obviously do know what to say, and this isn’t one of those realities.’’ Shiro sighs.

‘’I am talking about quantum realities here. Any little thing you do can create a tremendous wave of change in space-time.’’

‘’But isn’t that worth it, my grass-flavoured hentai tentacle?’’

The look on Slav’s face changes. Slav reaches two of his arms to Shiro’s shoulders and looks straight into his eyes, they look like disco balls. Maybe he should get those checked out, Shiro wonders.

‘’You’re right Shiro. I am a fool. I’m always so absorbed by my calculations, I forgot about my feelings for you. These feelings reach through all realities and cannot be changed. Even if you die in this reality, our love will live on in an infinite amount of other realities. I love you, Shiro.’’

‘’I love you too Slav.’’ Shiro is glad Slav had finally decided he wanted to do this too. He had been waiting for this for ages, and now he is finally getting what he had longed for all this time.

There was no reason to hesitate anymore.

Shiro pushes Slav down onto the bed. He tries to grab Slav’s face but can’t find any purchase on Slav’s sweaty cylindrical head. Shiro doesn’t mind his slipping hands (and sanity), and places his lips on Slav’s oddly shaped beak.

Slav is a little startled. But his tension flows away quickly when Shiro moves his lips over the smooth surface of Slav’s piss-coloured snout. Slav lets out a noise of relief. The kiss definitely wasn’t unwelcome.

Going further than just a little peck with Slav proved to be a challenge but it was something Shiro wasn’t just giving up on. Making out with Slav was like heavily licking the claw of a UFO Catcher. It was like making gratuitous oral contact with two Teludav Lenses stacked on top of each other. It was like submerging the front part of your head into a moist but firm sock.

How did I get so lucky, Shiro thinks.

Slav is totally out of breath, he isn’t used to kissing people. He is having a hard time trying to keep up with Shiro. Shiro notices and gives Slav a little break.

‘’Just let go, my overly long pepe,’’ Shiro said softly, ‘’we’re going to have fun tonight.’’

‘’I’m ready, don’t worry. There is a 69,69% chance this will be very pleasurable for the both of us.’’ Slav was mathematically whispering into Shiro’s ear.

‘’Talk statistics to me more my bread-stick drenched in garlic butter, it’s so hot’’. Shiro sat up straight, straddling Slav. He starts grinding his crotch into Slav’s body, making a show of moving his hips. Shiro moans like he’s never felt this good before.

‘’In about 666 realities we would still be kissing and in about 7 we would already have been kissing for 73% of a quintant.’’ Slav notices that Shiro’s artful throbber is growing harder.

This is already so much hotter than normal dirty talk, Shiro thinks.

‘’In 420 realities we’re doing the same but against the wall. There is a 99,969% chance we will have sexual intercourse against the wall tomorrow too.’’

Slav places a pair of hands on Shiro’s juicy ass cheeks and squeezes them tentatively at first. Slav looks at the eager look in Shiro’s eyes. Slav swiftly opens the front of his garment and takes all of his eight luscious arms out of the sleeves. He takes Shiro’s shirt off slowly. Teasing him by sliding his hands under it first. He takes his time touching his abs, tracing around them with his fingers.

‘’In one reality you are tied up right now. There is also a reality in which we are in your lion. In 89,7616% of realities I will suck your meter long king kong dong within the next 2 quintants.’’ Slav pushes Shiro’s shirt up further. His eyes scan Shiro’s chest. He notices the size of Shiro’s strawberry milk jugs with a soft gasp. He grabs them with a pair of hands and squeezes them.

‘’Humans really are quite marvellous,’’ Slav says quietly, seemingly deep in thought for a moment.

Shiro doesn’t care about Slav’s comment right now and can only think of the hands roaming his chest. Slav’s hands are gradually exploring every part of his torso. He wants more.

Slav finally takes off Shiro’s shirt completely.

Shiro’s palms are getting clammy. His cheeks feel warm. Shiro couldn’t handle Slav talking to him like that at all. Then he feels hands around his belt.

‘’My sweet, but dentally less impressive snake, I’m so hard right now, touch my blood orange-headed yoghurt launcher please,’’ Shiro takes one of Slav’s hand and places it on the bulge in his pants.

‘’Of course.’’ Slav quickly takes off Shiro’s pants.

He plants one of his highly-skilled hands on Shiro’s weeping moisture missle. He moves his hand gracefully. Starting with slow strokes.

Oh god, Shiro thought, Slav really was as proficient as the air around Slav always seemed to imply. Shiro places his hands on Slav’s semicircle shoulders for support.

‘’You like that, babe?’’ Slav winks at Shiro with both eyes.

‘’Fuck yes, keep going just like that.’’ Shiro’s breathing was getting heavy.

Shiro eyes the lower part of Slav’s garment. He should take that off too. Right now. It doesn’t take long to remove Slav’s clothing. Something is wrong.

Where the mcfuck is his dick, Shiro thought instantly. There seems to be no genitalia on Slav’s body. Like. At all. No giant meat sceptre. No weapon of ass destruction. No Mr Sniffles. :(

Shiro thinks it’s weird but he’s hard and wants to NUT.

‘’Honey?’’ Shiro says, at a loss for words.

‘’What is it Shiro?’’ Slav sounds confused.

‘’Where is your meat sword?’’ Shiro is completely distraught at this point.

‘’Do you not know? My kind doesn’t have eight arms like you silly humans always assume. We have seven. Of course there are realities in which you know, but it appears this isn’t one of them. Anyway, there is a 12,5% chance you will guess which one my Homo Erectus is in one go, on the second try you have a chance of 14,3% which-’’

‘’Don’t worry my dear space Shrek, I shall find your one-eyed muscle schlong shortly.’’ Shiro is determined to find it.

Shiro moves his hands to one of Slav’s arms and starts rubbing his hands up and down its surface. No reaction.

Slav resumes stroking Shiro’s raging yoghurt cannon. He moves one of his other hands to his weird jumpsuit, and reaches into one of the pockets to grab a small bottle of _Super Slide Natural Liquid Turbo PREMIUM Space Lube, to make your lover see stars_ – 55 gallons.

It’s probably not one of the hands Slav is using right now, so that means Shiro’s chances have gone up to 20%. This gives Shiro some hope. So he tries another arm.

It was getting hard for Shiro to concentrate while Slav was doing such an amazing job of making his shiny hot glue gun feel like it was being touched by the actual sun, but in a good way.

This arm didn’t seem very fazed by Shiro’s attempts to jerk it off, so Shiro goes to the next arm. This one doesn’t look like it's responding much either.

Slav coats the fingers of one of his hands in pleasure gel.

‘’Hurry up, my squishy leaf worm,’’ Shiro is out of breath, ‘’I want you inside of me already.’’

Slav moves his hand to Shiro’s beautiful hole and puts one finger in. It felt hot and tight. He is beginning to feel aroused just at the thought of hitting that ass. He moves his finger around, being able to move it more freely as Shiro gets looser.

Slav puts another finger in. He feels the muscle stretch around his fingers. He scissors his fingers. Shiro’s sight melons widen.

‘’I can’t wait any longer, my upgraded version of Mike Wazowski, I need you to fuck my hole.’’ Shiro is panting. Slav’s fingers already feel so good.

It takes all of Shiro’s concentration but he tries two more arms. They aren’t Slav’s biodegradable nut sprinkler either.

Slav puts in a third finger. He feels Shiro starting to clench less, taking in his fingers like the whore he is for Slav.

This one has to be the one, Shiro thinks hazily, as he goes to jack off the last arm. As Shiro continues, the arm slowly changes colour. Shiro has never seen anything like it. It is the most beautiful thing he has ever seen.

Slav’s thrill drill has changed from pickle to navy. But it didn’t stop there. It changed to periwinkle next, and after that were fuchsia, blood orange, apricot and bumblebee.

Shiro can’t believe what his eyes are seeing. Slav’s dick feels so hot. This has to be destiny, he has always dreamed of having his ass fucked by a colour-changing dick. He wants to feel the rainbow in his ass.

Shiro’s steamin’ semen truck is sobbing. It is pointing up, at the holy lord up above in the heavens.

There is space lube dripping down from Shiro’s ass onto the sheets. He is taking Slav’s fingers with ease now. Shiro is ready and he wants to Slav’s lava lamp to fill him up.

‘’You want this, baby?’’ Slav is looking directly into Shiro’s Chocolate Orbs.

‘’Yes, please hurry up and fuck me.’’ Shiro needs Slav now.

‘’Are you sure?’’ Slav says with a cocky smile. He puts two of his arms on Shiro’s gigantic man boobs, instead of doing what Shiro wants him to do. Slav’s uncertainty had changed into teasing.

Slav squeezes Shrio’s boobs together. Maybe he will get to fuck them sometime later, Slav thinks. He takes Shrio’s nipples between his index finger and his thumb and plays with them.

Even though Slav is still slowly jacking him off and his boobs feels like an angel is touching them, Shiro is getting frustrated. He wants to feel Slav’s arm dick in his ass. He can’t wait any longer.

I’ll tell him about my real feelings, Shiro thinks.

‘’My unicycle-less dat boi, I want you to drill my fucking ass. I want you to hit me like I would hit you when you won’t stop talking about your realities bullshit. I want you to beat up my soggy pussy. I want you to administrate your hot beef injection into my gaping asshole.’’

Slav feels slightly surprised. He has never heard Shiro talk like this, but he isn’t about to complain. His arm boner is changing colours rapidly. He will fist Shiro’s fuck hole real good.

They change positions so Slav is on top. Just how Shiro likes it.

Slav quickly puts some more space lube on his alien dick. It is starting to glow in anticipation of entering Shiro’s hot moist cave. Slav moves his multi-coloured cock to Shiro’s ass. He touches the slick rim with the tip. He slowly runs his disco dick along the edges of his hole, slippery from all the space lube.

Shiro makes a noise he would have been embarrassed by if he was doing this with anyone else, but he wants Slav to hear him. His hole is greedily taking in Slav’s anus crusader down to the base. Slav still has hands on Shiro’s ultimate rage pump, his nipples and his ass. Stimulation from all these different areas of his body is making him see stars. Shiro could feel he wasn’t going to last very long.

‘’Move, my intelligent dinosaur leg, I need you to shake me like a McDonald’s strawberry milkshake and then fill me up with your delicious Starbucks whipped cream.’’ Shiro’s dick is wet and red, pre-cum glistering at the tip.

Slav slowly moves his Ding Dong McDork backwards and then forwards again, making sure Shiro is able to feel all of it. Space lube is pooling up around the edges as Slav continues fucking Shiro at a slow but steadily increasing pace. One of Slav’s hand is on Shiro’s red jewel of conquest and he is moving it at the same agonising speed.

Shiro puts his hands on Slav’s back. As Slav speeds up, Shiro claws harder and harder at his skin. He hadn’t been prepared for how overwhelming this would feel.

Shiro looks at Slav’s face, it looks so beautiful. This is his favourite way of seeing Slav’s face, flushed and above him, with his eyes focussing on his romantic arm sliding into Shiro. He is taking his piss weasel like he was made for it.

Slav is thrusting in and out of Shiro at a decent pace and Shiro is losing his mind. He is flushed down to his neck. His face the definition of ecstasy. He didn’t know if he would be able to handle Slav at full speed, his symbolic collage feels too good.

Slav’s naked torso is covered in a thin layer of sweat and his hands are all over Shiro’s body, making use of all of his arms. A pair is playing with Shiro’s blood orange-helmeted warrior of love, thumbing at the tip and playing with his balls. Another pair is holding Shiro’s ass up, allowing easier access. His other hands play with Shiro’s nipples or seek support on his hips.

Slav hits exactly the right spot for Shiro to cry out in pleasure.

‘’More-’’ Shiro gasps.

‘’You can barely handle this gargantuan fidget spinner, you want me to spin your ass into oblivion?’’ Slav looks like he could hardly contain himself.

‘’Yes, master Fidget.’’ Shiro was thrilled at the thought of relief.

Slav is grinding into Shiro’s sweet spot before he can finish his sentence.

Shiro is so wet. He is squelching and taking Slav like it’s nothing. Slav is slamming into Shiro at full sanic speed. Shiro has never been fucked this hard, yet he wants more.

‘’Harder, please I can take more my lemon-olive deodorant spray’’

Shiro takes him in down to the elbow. He feels so full. Being filled by Slav is like being completed. He wants this to last forever, but he also wants release. It is kinda like being in prison but like having a good time in there.

Slav is having a really having a hard;) time. He is getting close. His schlong dongadoodle had never entered such a pleasurable space. He couldn’t wait to release all his alien dick juice into Shiro’s ass.

‘’I’m so close.’’ Shiro felt like his soul was leaving his fuckign body.

‘’Me too baby,’’ Slav pants.

Shiro’s moans are getting louder, Slav notices and sighs delightfully before plunging back into Shiro’s big moist ass. He feels incredible. It is getting more difficult for Slav to concentrate. He is getting lost in de feeling of pure bliss. His pace becomes erratic.

Every time Slav’s colossal trouser snek presses against Shiro’s sweet spot, the heat in Shiro’s body intensifies. He feels like he’s on fire. He really isn’t going to last much longer.

Just a little more, Slav thinks. He starts jacking off Shiro’s single barrelled pump action bollock faster. He thrusts in hard a few more times, hitting the right spot each time.

‘’I’m- I’m going to-’’ Shiro whimpers.

Shiro reaches his climax. He lets out a loud moan. He feels so amazing he astral projects for a brief moment. His flour not for baking is all over Slav’s hand and both of their stomachs.

Slav continues slamming into Shiro’s badonkadonk until he comes, filling Shiro to the brim with his badass arm tadpoles. As Slav pulls out his arm dick, some of it spills out onto the sheets. Slav’s arm slowly returns to its original lettuce colour. Slav collapses onto the sheets next to Shiro.

The room is silent for a few minutes.

Once Shiro’s breathing has calmed down, he turns his head to Slav.

‘’That was amazing, my jazzy dildo-shaped Kermit.’’ Shiro says.

‘’I am sorry I was so worried about this at first Shiro. I never should have doubted this. The risks are all worth it. I shouldn’t have been thinking so much about what will happen in other universes.’’ Slav’s eyes were tearing up.

‘’Oh my silly green M&M, you don’t have to be sorr-’’

‘’The chances of us dying next time are significantly lower. You only die in two dimensions. These are great odds, really. In one of them, you slip on the space lube, and die. In the other one we are rudely interrupted by some Galra soldiers, but you protect me with your life and I survive. The Galra have no manners. Do they even feel things? Anyway, I die in only one universe. In that universe you strangle me to death, but that’s the only one!’’ Slav rambles on.

Shiro physically feels the wave of regret wash over him. Regret makes place for annoyance.

‘’Are you sure that’s just one universe, my dear avocado-flavoured Link?’’

 

 

  


**Author's Note:**

> REGRET
> 
>  
> 
> [my tumblr](http://www.voix.tumblr.com)


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